Voices From the Past

My sister, Joyce, gives the best presents. Whether its a birthday or Christmas, she always seems to find that one thing you didn't know you wanted, but you really, really did. One year, she gave each of us in the family a place setting from the old dishes my mother's parents had. God only knows how many meals were served using those plates and cups, and how many of them I enjoyed. Oh my, I can still remember my Nanny's (for so we called her) fried chicken and the home-canned greened beans with ham bits and her pickled eggs!

Anyway, this year Joyce gave each of us a CD. Nothing from the record store, mind you. These were CDs made from old reel-to-reel audio recordings she found in my mother's house. As she described them, one recording is an audio letter my father sent home from Korea. The other is from a Christmas nearly forgotten when we got a brand new tape recorder. On it are recordings of the voices of some of my dad's family.

Now I've had this CD for a couple of days now. But the odd thing is that I've reached for it probably a dozen or so times. Each time, something has stayed my hand from picking it up and putting it into my CD player. I look at it. It's a pretty Christmas red CD. There's no label on it, so I know I'll have to do that otherwise it will get lost because I eventually forget what is on it. But as of yet, I have not listened to it.

Why?? There are voices of people on there that I have loved in my life. Some are still here and others who are gone. You would think, wouldn't you, that I would want to listen to these recordings. Not that there's probably anything really significant being said (Joyce warned us we were pretty lame when it came to thinking of things to say back then). But I have to admit that some part of me does not want to hear those voices again.

Whether the person is still living or has crossed over, whether the person was then a child or an adult, time has passed and change has occurred. And those changes will be only too apparent in these recordings. A hardly subtle reminder that I'm getting not just older, but old.

Perish the thought! And so, for my chicken-headed vanity, I am today's dog pile!