Writing a Grant

I realize I'm not the most consistent blogger in the world, but you might have been wondering where I've been of late. Well, I'll tell you. I've been writing a grant. And I realized late yesterday how much writing a grant is like giving birth to a baby.

Many of you are aware the department for which I work at West Virginia University writes a lot of grants, but I'm not sure how many of you know it is 100% externally funded. That's right. Completely and wholly funded by grants and contracts. Some of them are 5-year grants. Some are 3-year grants. And others are year-to-year contracts. It's not a particularly stable way to have a career, but I've managed 33 years doing it so far.

There are actually a couple of different types of grant applications. In one, the government tells you what work they want done and you have to explain how you're going to do that work. But in the kind I was just working on, the government allows you to come up with ideas for projects you think they should fund. They call these field initiated projects because the concepts come from people in the field all over the country. This year, they'll fund 20 such projects out of what will likely be at least a thousand applications.

Writing a grant starts off when the seed of an idea makes its way through all the environmental barriers of reports that have to be written and quilts half done and on-line games and plants itself into your brain. At first, you don't really notice too much that the process has begun. But as you consider the idea a bit more, additional brain cells are taken over by it. The funding agency gives you the framework around which your grant application must be provided, and you begin to see in your mind's eye the information you want to include in each section.

As of yet, nothing is put down, either on paper or electronically. But that now begins to happen. New ideas for the project begin to emerge almost like arms and legs. More and more of your brain is now committed to this effort. A new paragraph comes to you while you are sleeping and you must get it down before it slips away. A conversation with a colleague gives you that essential piece of information you must include.

Oftentimes, the grant writing process is a tortorous one. You aren't particularly thrilled by the project to be done, but the area is within your department's expertise. So you write the thing, send it in, and hopefully get it. But every great once in awhile, especially when the project you're writing is one of your own ideas, you become really invested in the writing. You pour your heart and soul into the work. You want the reviewers to understand how important and meaningful you think this project will be. And so it was with this one. A project to design and build a mobile app that will allow anyone to conduct a competent evaluation of a facility's accessibility using the latest government standards. Cool, huh?

Now you reach a point of no return. You've put so much time and effort into it, that you can't turn back. As the deadline for submissions nears, you work harder and harder until you reach a fevered pitch. You must get the application completed. You've got to have it all done in time. To accomplish this, you give up your evenings, your weekends, even holidays if you must. Family and friends are virtually ignored. And certainly, minor things such as blogs go undone. As you reach the final week, this thing consumes you completely. Dishes lie in the sink for 3 days. Your dogs look at you, begging for just a short break to go outside to play and they sleep quietly at your side while you work into the wee small hours of the night.

When you've done this sort of work for as long as I have, you come to realize how important it is to provide the proper fuel to see you through. And what would that be, you ask? Are visions of lean meats and loads of fruits and vegetables dancing in your heads? Maybe those tiny little 5-hour energy drinks? Not even close! The only thing that can possibly get you through such times of stress is C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E. Massive quantities of it. Milk, dark, semi-sweet, bitter, 60% cacao, 75% cacao, even 80% cacao all have their place in helping you through the writing blocks and the endless forms that must be completed.

This particular grant was formed out of a 1lb box of Holl's chocolates (OMG, what a thing of beauty that was!) and a Boston creme pie. Couple all of this with the fact that your butt doesn't leave your chair for about 6 weeks and you've got a recipe for weight gain that would make a sumo wrestler jealous. Yep, this particular "baby" put 6 lbs on my back side.

Yesterday afternoon, I gave birth to a lovely kicking and screaming grant proposal package. The labor pains were horrible. I spent 2 1/2 hours preparing the online form required by our Office of Sponsored Programs. Not because there was that much stuff to put in or because I didn't know what I was doing. No, it took that long because their system wasn't working correctly and was taking a minimum of 10 minutes for each new page to load. And after all that time and I pushed the submit button? The system whirled around for about 20 minutes and then popped up a "Cannot Display Web Page" message. Oh crap! This meant redoing all the government forms, copying everything onto a CD, and driving it over to their office.

But its done. Its out of my hands. Ohh, they might come back with a few requested changes. But its breathing on its own now. But you don't get to raise your grant baby. No, you have to immediately give it up for adoption by the funding agency. Maybe, if you're very, very lucky, it will be amongst the chosen ones. You'll receive a notification that your project has been funded. And the work will begin in earnest to raise this child you've created.

So until that glorious day, little one, God bless. Maybe we'll meet again when you're a little older. But if not, know that you were well loved while you were with me.

LOL!

Republican or Taliban?

I have had a few posts in the past where I've singled out one of the Republican Presidential candidates to occupy a far more ignoble position--the Daily Dog Pile. Today, we have a first for my blog. Not just one person in the pile, but a large group. In fact, its the entire Republican Congressional membership that has decided to jump right in and roll around for a bit.

What's it all about, you ask? The recent hearing in Congress on separation of church and state. At issue is the fact that organizations are allowed to refuse to cover contraceptives as part of their health care package due to religious beliefs. If churches were just churches, that wouldn't be a real problem. But churches are far more than that. They're colleges and universities, they're non-profit organizations, they are lots of things are not churches. And these organizations have employees. Employees who are women and these women will not be able to receive contraceptives through their insurance plans.

At the Congressional hearing that took place this last Thursday, there were 10 individuals who testified before Congress. Not one woman was on that panel. NOT ONE! Who picked the panelists? The Republicans did. They were the group supporting the hearing and they chose the panelists to participate. Now the hearing was, ostensibly, about the separation of church and state. But the true issue was the inclusion of contraception as part of insurance packages for church-supported organizations. This issue touches deeply on the lives of women and their health, yet not one woman was allowed to testify. Shameful!

Still doesn't sound like such a big issue to you? Well, let me ask you this. What if the issue wasn't contraception. What if it was another health issue. Take cancer. There are still some churches who believe that diseases and disabilities are punishments from God. What if these churches decided they would not pay for cancer treatments for employees of their institutions such as colleges and universities because they believe cancer is God's way of telling a person they have committed some wrong in their life? Let this stand, and I'll bet there are a lot of employers from small to global corporations that are suddenly going to find religion and declare all sorts of things that aren't to be covered under their insurance plans under the veil of religious beliefs.

Ohh, and speaking of veils, let's get back to the title of this posting. The actions of the Republicans in Congress clearly indicate their belief that women should be dictated to and have no role in deciding their own fates. More than one of them this week has declared that the best contraceptive is abstinence. Ohh brother! They sure talk the talk, but darned few of them seem to be able to walk the walk. Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich are two prime examples of how abstinent Republican men are. One idiot, a major supporter of Rick Santorum, made the comment that the best contraceptive is an aspirin the woman holds between her knees.

And what does Rick Santorum, himself, have to say about it? Here it is in his own words. "I support Title X, I guess it is, and have voted for contraception and although I don't think it works, I think it's harmful to women, I think it's harmful to our society." Hey, Rick. You know what IS harmful to women? Having a dozen or so kids because they can't get birth control. That's what is harmful. We've greatly decreased the death rates for women and infants, in large part because women aren't having so many children anymore. And how is that accomplished? Here's your first big clue, it's not by holding an aspirin between your knees.

Ladies, does all of this sound to you like Republican views or Taliban views? Are we looking at a poorly-concealed attempt to instill Sharia law in the U.S. and by none other than the Republican party? Next thing you know, Republican candidates will be handing out free burkas at their fund-raising events. You know what? You boys stink. You smell just like the offal you've been rolling in. And its the biggest dog pile I've ever seen!

What Makes Me Sad

The Westminster Dog Show people make me sad.

You see, I look so forward each year to the Westminster Dog Show in February. Yes, I admit it. I look forward to it for a good month before the event. To me, it is a better harbinger of Spring than the groundhog. I love to watch it even though I realize that makes me something of a shallow person. I have a dear friend who is very much "into" dogs. So it surprised me when I mentioned last year about watching the WDS that she responded by saying, "Why?? That's just a silly beauty contest!" Hmmm, I'd never actually thought about it in those terms. Yeah, it is pretty much the Miss America Pageant for dogs. Well, except that they don't have to come out dressed in skimpy bathing suits. But still, it is all about appearances and nothing to do with function. Which certainly is a big difference between dogs and humans, but that we'll save for another posting.

But I still loved the pageantry, the excitement, and the opportunity to watch what are absolutely the most gorgeous dogs in the country and even the world strut their stuff. Ohh, fair warning. MAJOR anthropomorphising is about to happen. You see, I believe that some dogs are vain and shallow just like humans and actually enjoy being out there with all eyes focused on them for their moment of fame. And I base that on a dog I used to have. A toy poodle named Cherie Amour. She was an absolutely beautiful and extremely intelligent dog. Every time we'd have her groomed, she would strut around the house for a week. That dog could have been the inspiration for Madonna's song "Vogue" because she would walk into the livingroom and, if there was a sufficient audience, she would suddenly stop and strike a pose. Plus, after each grooming, she would accompany the first person into the bathroom, wait for them to close the door, and then thoroughly examine herself in the full-length mirror. Apparently pleased with her new "do," she would lie down in front of the mirror and continue to gaze appreciatively at herself. No kidding. It was hysterical! So there you have it--my evidence that some dogs are vain.

But, unfortunately, the WDS people ruined it for me this year. How? Well, for some years, Pedigree dog food has been a major sponsor of the show. And each year, they have produced some brilliant tear-jerking commercials to expose the plight of shelter dogs. Their campaign, which I thought was tremendously effective, was "Don't pity a shelter dog. Adopt one." And I never saw the Oliver set of commercials that I didn't ball like a baby. Pedigree used these commercials to get donations for their foundation that provides major support for shelters across the country. A company that has a heart. You don't see that very much anymore and I thought it was wonderful of them to use the Westminster two-day show to do a major fund-raising campaign for their foundation.

Well, this year, the Westminster people contacted Pedigree and told them they no longer wanted them to be a sponsor. Why, in heavens name you ask, would an event turn down a major sponsor? Because the WDS people were concerned the serious nature and content of the Pedigree commercials was causing viewers to turn away. That the emotional effect was making people change the channel. Oh PUH-LEASE!! Those commercials were one of the major reasons I watched.

Wow, talk about class warfare! The hoity-toity richy Rich's didn't want any "downers" to their happy little self-loving festival. Can't you just see them all looking down their sophisticated noses at those mutts in the commercials and saying, "Who let them in? Oh Jeeves, please remove the rubbish from the room." Talk about shallow. Man, that totally takes the cake. You won't let a worthy cause solicit funding because its just too, too sad for your viewers.

So I didn't watch. I wanted to, but I didn't. Honestly, I felt like a drug addict with my fingers twitching on the remote. I so wanted to push the buttons and get my "It's really almost Spring doggy fix." But I resisted. And I'm glad I did. My tiny little part of a larger protest that was borne on the Internet and the social media platforms this past weekend. I posted a message on the Westminster Dog Show Facebook page and was surprised at how many responses it got. I also posted on the Pedigree Facebook page.

In the end, congratulations to Malachy the Pekingese. But a major thumbs down to all the totally clueless people at Westminster who got nothing but bad press this weekend for a totally boneheaded move. Yep, they're in the Daily Dog Pile for sure!

The Rapture is Real!

The other day, I read an article on CNN that was without a doubt the worst piece of supposed journalism I have ever seen. I wanted very much to put in a link to this piece, but I searched their site and the general web for over an hour and could not come up with the story again. Is that even possible?? I used every word I could think of for the search. The story was about honey bees, so you'd think that would have been a good place to start. Even better than that, it was about how the honey bee decline has impacted the economy. That should have been plenty to put that story right back on my screen. But no such luck.

So I guess I'll just have to summarize it for you. The gist of the story was that the decline of the honey bee population due to mysterious causes is not, in fact, impacting the economy. Is that what you call a non story? Essentially, the author was trying to tell us there's no reason for panic over the honey bee problem. Why, you ask? Well, because according to this author, two reasons. First, bee keepers have been able to keep the number of hives consistent. And second, because lots of crops are pollinated by wind and don't even need honey bees.

OK, I'm pausing here for just a moment so you can go back and reread those last two sentences. Go on, do it. I've seriously wondered if the story wasn't pulled by CNN. For what was a very minor story tucked away at the bottom of a lesser category heading at the bottom of their page, the responses to this story were many and incredulous. And many of them were from obviously far more learned people than the author of the article. Had this author submitted his/her article to me in my research class, I would have given them a failing grade. There were statements of "fact" that were completely unsubstantiated by any source. There was no way this was a well-researched article. It was pure and simple propaganda. But from whom? For the life of me, I couldn't figure out who would profit by trying to paint such a ridiculous coat of whitewash over what is a serious problem.

So have I given you enough time by now to have figured out the major flaws in each of the author's two main points? First, of course, the number of hives is not indicative of the number of bees. Bee colonists are maintaining approximately the same number of hives by breaking existing hives apart into two colonies. And while the number of bees within each of the two new and smaller colonies will increase, we can't say the number of bees is anywhere near what it used to be. And on the other point, PUH-LEASE. It is true that some crops pollinate by wind. But many others do not and absolutely must have bees in order to produce fruit. I don't know about you, but I'm not particularly willing to replace almonds in my morning cereal or the blueberries in my fruit crisp with corn.

Let's face it, people. This planet is in serious trouble. The honey bees are dying. Or at least we think they are. You see, one of the great problems in even figuring out what is going on with them is that there aren't dead bee bodies just bunching up in the hives for autopsy. Apparently, I ought not to have snickered at that whole Rapture idea. It seems to be quite true--just no humans have been found worthy. Big surprise there.

One of the reasons this particular article caught my attention in the first place was that it was the last in a triad of articles I had read in the past week. The first one was about bumble bees. In that article, a real live researcher had noted that we've lost more bumble bee species than anyone even knows. That's right. Not just bees, but entire species just gone off the face of the planet and not over great stretches of time, but in the past few years. The other article had been about the white-nose syndrome in bats and that there is great fear it will be far worse this year than ever before.

What, you haven't heard about that one? So bats aren't everyone's "thing." I get it. But I also recognize that they, like the honey bee, are an essential part of our environment. In fact, both bats and frogs are facing the same problem. Each has become prey to a fungal infection that is killing them in great numbers. You see, it used to be that while such fungal infections existed in the past, they were never able to get a sufficient grip on an organism to kill them because they, themselves, got killed off every winter. Cold weather would wipe them out and they'd have to start all over again the next Spring. Not so anymore. Two conditions have changed that mean these infections can continue to flourish year-round. First, the winters aren't as cold as they used to be. (Global warming, anyone?) And second, these fungi have become more cold tolerent.

The end result is that bat and frog populations are decreasing at an absolutely alarming rate. Bees, and bats, and frogs, oh my! Yeah, we're all going to be laughing when we're up to our butts in bugs. These animals aren't just isolated and unimportant things we consider more as fodder for horror flicks. They are bell weathers of our environment. What's affecting them now can and will affect us directly and indirectly in years to come. Declining polar bears is a problem. Drastically declining numbers of bees, bats, and frogs is a nightmare and one we'd better start figuring out how to prevent right now before its too late. These animals are facing plagues that threaten their very existence.

Its time we stop caring about just the cutsy animals and start caring about every living species. As of right now, we're losing this battle. And unfortunately, the species who is doing the most damage isn't the one being systematically removed from the equation. Its all those species that can't fight back. I know this is going to sound incredibly harsh and it is. But I very much wish the next plague to hit the planet would strike the creature most responsible for the earth's woes. A massive decline in the human population that would make the Black Death results trivial by comparison is, in my opinion, the only chance this poor old earth has of surviving maybe even just the next 100 years. 'Tain't funny, is it?

God and Quilts

Today in Morgantown, WV was one of those few winter days I truly enjoy. We've come through enough of February now that, although the air was quite chilly, the sun was warm. I took a bit of a break late this afternoon and took the smaller dogs out and let them run around the yard.

Ceili hunted moles. Didn't catch any, though. And JD just dug holes. They weren't about anything in particular. He just likes making them. I sat in a lawn chair with my back to the sun and thoroughly enjoyed the feel of it on my shoulders. And I could turn my head and feel it on my face. It was wonderful.

I was looking up the wooded hillside. I could literally feel the earth getting ready for Spring. There is an energy buried just under last year's leaves. Almost, it said. Almost. Soon the first new shoots will start to come up. All across that hillside, the May flowers are gathering up the life force out of the ground and preparing to cover the hill in broad, dark green leaves and a single flower. At least until the morning when some signal from the plant tells the deer they are ripe and I awaken to find nothing but a hillside of foot high stalks. It always looks so silly.

But today was just about the promise of what is to come. Can you imagine what it must have been like for humans thousands of years ago on a day like today? Is it any wonder they developed a spiritual attachment to the earth? The mother goddess. What any Dan Brown fan would refer to as the divine female. Focus, for just a minute, on the word divine. And thinking these thoughts somehow released that inner bit of what is called "pagan" in me. Except that it isn't, of course.

Have you ever made something that took you a long time to make? For example, I'm working right now on a quilt. I've very nearly finished piecing the top. It's taken me a number of hours to do and will take a few more before its finished. And once the top is done, I need to do the actual quilting. Hmmm, by hand or machine? But I semi-digress.

Anyway, think about something you've made in your lifetime that has taken you a long time to do. Something that when it was done, you looked at it and knew that it was good. Did it not feel to you as if a piece of you, some part of your life, was in that thing? So I always figured God had to feel exactly the same way when the earth had cooled enough out of the hot molten mass of the universe and life had begun its inexorable journey toward producing the multitude of forms upon it today. And although I don't think of the Bible as being a literal history, I believe the author of Genesis understood this feeling all too well when he said, "And God saw that it was good."

Surely, God must have felt he had put some part of himself into the earth. Maybe just a teensy weensy bit, but a bit nonetheless. Putting it into mathematical terms, we have God=Divine; Earth=God; Therefore, Earth=Divine.

One of the reasons I've always said I knew God exists is from quilting. I always find greens to be the hardest color of all to coordinate. You might get three green fabrics that look good together, but a fourth? That's tough. One of the greens always clashes. But look across any hillside in Spring. There are literally thousands of shades of green. And do any two of them clash? NOPE. You've got to figure there's some super intelligence at work that can make that happen! Which will probably be the first question I'll ask God when I meet him. "How'd you do that?"

So the next time you're out and about, look around you. Look for the divine in the everyday. Its there, you know. You just have to be aware of it. Some other time, we'll get into the divinity within ourselves. Can you handle it? LOL.

Laying an Egg

I've mentioned before about watching the Shephardstown Eagle Cam. http://www.outdoorchannel.com/Conservation/EagleCam.aspx And I have been checking in this year. Watching Belle with her new man, Ben. Ben's a young bird. Belle has a few years on her (uhmm, does that make her an eagle cougar?). Anyway, we're all waiting for the first egg of the season to be laid, and its made me think a bit about the art of egg laying.

First, you have to have the place just right. Earlier in the year, the pair renovated their nest. They tossed out leaves and other debris that had been deposited since last year. They gathered sticks and arranged them into the nest's guard rails. Those will be essential as the young one begins to grow so they don't go toppling out of the nest. Arrangement of those sticks is often a point of contention. I thought Belle was going to whack Ben over the head with one the other day when he wouldn't put it where she wanted it.

Eagles are big birds and their weight could crush an egg. So they make an egg cup in the new, soft material they've put in the nest. That way, the egg is cushioned and they nestle in on top of it without having the full brunt of their weight on it. Plus, I'm sure the soft material helps keep the egg warm.

Have you ever seen an eagle's egg? Its weird. There's almost a light emanating from it, as if you can actually see the life force. They often appear to me as a light bulb in the nest.

Laying one can't be as simple as it first seems. Think about it for a minute. There has to be some control over when it gets released. Otherwise, Belle could be flying around or going after a fish and plop, there it goes like a giant bomb. Since that doesn't happen (at least as far as we know), she must have some control over when it arrives. But probably not a whole lot. Its in there and its got to come out. I could compare this to another biological function we're all familiar with, but I won't. :)

So Belle is spending a considerable amount of time in the nest lately. She arranges and re-arranges the fluff. She sits down in it to test it out. She stands over by the edge of the nest checking it out and obviously waiting for the big moment.

I sure hope Ben turns out to be as good a father as Liberty was. He's been bringing food to the nest and helping with the housekeeping. But I'm pretty sure this first time eagle daddy hasn't a clue about what its going to be like to have a hungry little eaglet mouth that has to be fed and fed and fed and fed.

I'm just glad these guys have a relatively safe place here in West Virginia they can have at least pretty good odds of raising a family. Some of the problems we've seen over the last year are likely due to loss of habitat. What a shame if we allow "progress" to deprive these magnificent animals of the last few places they can live in the lower 48 states!